L is for Learning

Are you a lifelong learner?

We start learning from a young age, we learn from those around us, parents, family, caregivers. As young children this excites us, it drives us, we follow life’s rollercoaster and ride the ups and downs.

We then go to school, what we learn is dictated to us via a curriculum- we must know these things, we are stupid for not knowing these things. We shall be taught them in the confines of a classroom, a structure not suited to all. We will test you, grade you discuss your lacking’s and your gains, struggles, wins and achievements. It is a conveyor belt of learning, algebra, cloud formation, history beep tests

With an almost military march we work our way through the information, the milestones, progressing each year until with a flurry, at our most testing adolescent years we are publicly graded, told which level we perform at, how good we are, how bad we are. Told that certain aspirations are out of our reach, not for the likes of us, not with our grades.

The structure and feedback loop of this system allows some to flourish. To keep chasing the next goal, assured of their success, surrounded by their passions, safe in a space where they have external proof that they belong, are valid, are good enough.

For others this space is restricting, critical harsh. It allows for no ebb and flow, for no emotion or unplanned event. It feels like a box to fit in, with no room to grow. Rules and regulations that don’t fit our skin, that feel foreign. They bring exhaustion from a constant state of weary alertness, unfamiliarity, guessing the next move

And with that, education, learning, self-development even hobbies become something tiring. Something of the old days to quit and leave behind, to be free of and unpressured.

But with that, we lose so much of who we are. Some of that light within, that flickers and brightens with interest, that which lights you up. The wonder, the interest, the achievement, the mastery. The pure enjoyment.

And for that I am sad.

It happened to me.

Somewhere along the way, I lost my love for learning. In trauma, I lost my ability for focus and concentration. I needed to claw it all back.

Inner child work, introduced to me initially in my coaching training, a world with a plan, a programme a timetable. I felt rushed to connect, to remember, to see. But over time, in counselling, I spent some time delving back. Remembering the shy, inquisitive, kind, hard working child who loved nature, fossil hunting, reading, spending time with my imagination and creating. The person I was before I was told not to be. Don’t be too nice, nor too outspoken, different is bad, that is weird, that colour not cool.

I remembered my authentic self, who I was at my core, before I bore the scars of a lived life.

The errors, mistakes, and judgements. And I vowed to get to know her more, to bring her back to life. To be proud of her, defend her with honour, allow her to shine.

I remembered her passions and creativity, her ability to love hard, see the good in people, her ability to heal, to move forward, ever adapting. Her curious mind that buzzes with excitement when it’s in its prime.

So I started learning- reading, watching, feeling, experiencing, debating the things I love.

And I became happier

More fulfilled

With more purpose

More inner confidence

Less time to worry about the noise.

And writing. I started writing, and this is what brought me here.